so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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