I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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