i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
