In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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