there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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