Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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