even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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