The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize