im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
