you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
