it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
