My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
