I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize