oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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