he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
