i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
