Umm I'm too high to move.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
