There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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