I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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