dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I need water and some morals
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
