On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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