You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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