PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
