just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
