I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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