I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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