Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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