My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
