Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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