Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
