Your tits are I can't wait for
Don't make out with my wife yet
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
