somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
