3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
