yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
