Betty ford says i'm here all night
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
