I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
