somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
