his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
