he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
