we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize