what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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