dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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