I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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