the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
