Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
