love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
