He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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