I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
