i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
