the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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