They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
