I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
