He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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