Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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