There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
