Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
