Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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