I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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