I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Did I show you my penis last night?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
