some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
